Based on the same conversation I have every single day about my f**king accent.
What can I get for you?
Can I get a…wait. Hold up. Where’s that accent from?
Same place I’m from.
Funny. Where’s that?
Australia? No. Do I sound Australian?
I guess, a little. I don’t know. Just foreign.
What?! That’s almost the same accent as Australia. No. Way off. Culturally, physically, and aurally.
South Africa maybe?
I’m Northern European. Look at me. I’m really, really white. I’m from the source.
God, I don’t know. Ireland maybe?
Scotland. I’m from Scotland. It’s a Scottish accent.
Scotland! That was my next guess. Wow. Scotland eh?
My friend’s been to Ireland.
It is the same.
Shut up, no it isn’t. They’re different countries. I’m just being a stupid American.
Honestly. Alcoholism, depression, recession, Anti-English sentiment. It’s the same place.
I think the UK sounds awesome. Old buildings and like the history and stuff. Culture, you know?
I think you’re mostly thinking of London.
Maybe. But Scotland is probably dope too right? Like castles and nature and stuff right?
I mean, you should always have a return ticket though.
I think I’m like one eighth…Scotch? Scottish?
Scottish. And then like there’s some Dutch, a little German, and maybe like a sixteenth Native American.
Really? That’s an interesting mix. I’m just Scottish.
Well, I think that’s better. You get the accent and stuff. I just get this.
You do have one. This is what you sound like. You sound like this.
Oh my god! Shut the f**k up. That’s freaky. You actually sound American.
I am. I have an audition tomorrow. I’m actually from Fresno.
Oh my God! Shut the f**k up right now! I actually believed you were from f**king Scotland!
I’m joking. I am actually from Scotland.
Okay, now I’m confused. Anyway listen, what’s a good Scottish cocktail?