Tag Archives: dickhead

Napoleon’s Drunk

I overheard this at the bar tonight. It was an insurance brokers Christmas party…

“Actually, I was a junior varsity pole vaulter,” said the taller man, fiddling with his pink and white striped tie.

“Oh yeah?” asked the much shorter, more mustached man. “What was your lift?”

The tall man looked at the melting cubes in his empty glass and smiled.

“About sixteen feet,” he said, rocking onto his tip toes as casually as he could.

“Oh yeah?” asked the short man, throwing back his scotch, “I hear the girls go that high these days.”

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Touch me & See – Based on a True Story

* This just happened next to me in Starbucks.


Try it.

Please sit down sir.

Touch me.

Sir. Sit down please.

Touch me.

Sir. Please. Will you please sit down please?

 

Touch me.

What’s gonna happen if I touch you?

Touch me and see.

I’m not gonna-

Touch me. Touch me and see.

Sir?

 

Touch me.

Sir, you’re going to have to leave.

Touch me and see.

Sir-

Touch me. Touch me and see. Touch me.

I’m not-

 

Touch me and see.

What’s going to happen?

Touch me and see.

What’ll happen if I touch you?

Touch me and see.

Touch you and see?

 

Touch me mother fucker.

I don’t want-

Touch me and see.

No-

Touch me. Touch me. Touch me and see.

No. I’m not touching anything.

 

Can anyone see I’m shakin’?

We’re going to have to call the police sir.

So who gonna touch me?

Nobody sir. Nobody’s gonna touch you.

Someone gonna fuckin’ touch me, and someone gonna fuckin’ see.

Okay sir, I’m just gonna-

 

 

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