The Hierarchy of Facebook Approval

Based on real conversations I have every day with my friend Kyle.

It’s a numbers game.
What is?
Facebook.
Yeah?
You’ve got to get your numbers up.
Fucking nonsense.

You’ve got to get your numbers up.
For what? What do the ‘likes’ even mean?
They mean people like something.
What people? Like what? Like you?
No. Just like what you said.
But why? Why do you care? Likes are not currency. They never run out.

Look, I got 28 ‘likes’ on my last status.
I don’t care.
I got 28, and your last status got…
I don’t give a fuck mate. I makes no diff-
Seven ‘likes’.
What?! Who cares!?!

Yeah baby, 29 ‘likes’ and oh, Janine Woodford says ‘LOL’.
I hate Janine Woodford, she sounds horrible.
She is. But still, a ‘LOL’ is one step higher than a ‘like’.
This is the hierarchy of Facebook approval? Where does a ROFLOL fit into it?
It goes: ‘Like’ bronze medal, ‘Comment’ silver medal, and ‘Share’, gold fuckin’ medal, baby.
One of your acquaintances saying, ‘Look at this thing this guy I know said, on Facebook’ is as good as it gets then eh?

It’s a game we all play, just some of us play it better than others.
Bullshit. You know what I think it is, I have a higher caliber of friends.
Nah. That’s not it. My friends are on point. They reflect me.
Exactly. Your friends are clapping seals and your status updates are haddock.
And what, your friends are a bunch of scientists and your status updates are beakers or something.
I do actually have scientist friends, so go fuck yourself.

You try to hide your personality. You’re all miserable on there, like a wet sock on a Monday morning,
Cute, is that your next update?
I think it might be.
No one’s going to ‘like’ that.
…………………….Oh! Janine Woodford likes this!
Fuck Janine Woodford. Let me see her.

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5 thoughts on “The Hierarchy of Facebook Approval

  1. katinkatonka says:

    Bronze, silver and gold from me. 🙂 You are absolutely right!! It shouldn’t be important. Yes, your friend is also right. I don’t like this game.

  2. Enka says:

    Love It! recently I realized women use facebook to solicit compliments on their looks by changing their picture every other week in a sad attempt to prop up their low-self esteem. the ego reigns supreme in unconsciousness and FB.

    ________________________________

  3. kat says:

    Like your self…

  4. Scout says:

    Fuck Facebook, fuck the pretentious preening happening across all social networks. Unless it genuinely makes you happy and you’re not just feeding an ever growing all-consuming ego. But it is usually not the case. Here we are. Your best angles. The best parts of yourself. A catalogue of your accomplishments, the highlights of yoir life in chronological order. A funny obscure quote jacked from an obscure Midwestern comedian’s page – 10 people liked this. Life is not a polished turd, I’ll take authenticity and rambling in?eloquence gladly and happily. To be human…

  5. CJS says:

    It’s the harsh reality of life, we all want to be accepted in some form or another however it is wrong to presume facebook is the god of acceptance . Facebook is a hindrance, people perception of reality is no longer what they observe or hear but it’s what is posted on facebook, which a generic and pale imitation of reality. Aswell facebook was created to give people a voice however it seems to mute those who go against the norm.

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