I hate everything about airports. It’s a clichéd thing to say. Everyone hates them. Well, maybe not everyone. I guess some people can see past the lines and see the destination. I can never see beyond the person moving slowly in front of me. I wish I could see the destination. But, in a way, I think that would be scarier than the flight.
I’m moving to LA today. I’m scared as hell. It’s a city that has its stripes drawn in the blood of all that have been lured in and slaughtered. It’s a healthy fear though. Like being afraid of the sea. Perhaps respect would be the right word. But then, how can you respect a place that happily elects a body builder/Kindergarten Cop as its governor?
But if I wasn’t afraid, I would be afraid. If it all felt like it was going to be a breeze then I would be in for an enormous shock. It’s going to be a harder transition than any I have gone through before. I need to adapt to an entirely new way of life. I need to learn to drive. I need to experience a Christmas in 30 degree heat. I need to learn to convert Celsius into Fahrenheit. I need to describe fluid not by its volume, but by its weight. I need to teach my skin not to contract melanoma. I need to get my knees covered in piss every now again so that I can suck some penis in a public bathroom. I need to learn to prepare people for my twisted metaphors. I need to learn how to describe myself in two sentences.
I’m Ross. I write shit.
I’m Ross Gardiner and I’m from Scotland. I write stuff.
My name’s Ross Gardiner and I’m from Scotland. I write fiction.
I’m Ross. I’m going to make you rich.
Ross is the name. Being a writer from Scotland is the game.
I’m Kevin Costner’s pool cleaner. I’m writing a screenplay.
I’ll work it out on the plane.
But another important side of this is my departure from Korea. But I saved this one until the end. I’ve left here before. I’ve said that I’m never coming back here before. When people asked if I would come back in the past, I would say, “Fuck no! This balls? Fuck this noise!” or something equally obnoxious and arrogant. This time round, I said, “I don’t think so, but you never know.”
I’ve had a great time here over the years. I’ve met some wonderful people. I’ve met some of the biggest pieces of shit I’ll ever encounter. I’ve earned a lot of money. I’ve spent a lot of money. I’ve been terrified when the North threatens to kick off. I’ve laughed when the North have threatened to kick off. It’s been a mixed bag.
The art scene helped and encouraged me to grow and change to the point where I feel confident (but suitably terrified) enough to be making a move like this. Were it not for the people I’d met there, I would have never considered something like this to be a viable option. There are two ways of interpreting that…
But it’s done now. It’s over and I don’t feel like anything. My significant other, someone who liked Korea very much, has said that she hasn’t missed the place at all since landing in America over two months ago. That’s a positive sign. Because I was hitting a point where I was starting to hate the place again.
But my flight is about to board and I need to go. No time to write anything particularly interesting, or challenging, or good for that matter. I just felt like I had to write something, since this is, I suppose, the biggest move of my life and one of the most important decisions I have ever made.
Today is the day that I feel like I’m moving out of my early-twenties.
“My name is Ross Gardiner. I’m going to take over the fucking world.”
There, that’ll do for now.