The following dialogue is based on a true story I was told yesterday.
So tell me what happened again?
Yeah, I’m not quite getting my head around this.
I don’t want to talk about it anymore.
No. Fuck off.
So you were going to be late for the party?
I told you I don’t want to fucking tell it again.
And you were on the bench.
Yeah, for that one game.
Yeah right. You’re always on the bench.
No I’m not! I was on the bench for that one game.
So then what happened?
Just leave it.
You came onto the pitch late in the game.
It wasn’t that late. Sixty minute mark maybe.
And then what?
You know what happened next! Leave it will you!?
But I’m not quite understanding it all.
Fucking hell. It’s not that hard to understand.
Yes it is!
How is it?
Because you put someone in hospital!?
Pffft. He’ll be fine.
Christ, alright! Jesus. I came on, around the sixty minute mark.
I was late for the party. So did what I needed to do.
Get sent off.
But why didn’t you just handball it or something?
Because that would have looked shit.
Because it would have looked like I was trying to get sent off.
And headbutting someone as soon as you came on wouldn’t?!?
Christ, I don’t know!
So what happened?
I got sent off.
And the guy went to hospital?
Aye, maybe. I don’t know! He’ll be fine!
I don’t know if he will.
He’ll be fine. I didn’t hit him that hard.
So then what?
Aye, that’s fucking it!
And you made it to the party?
Well I’m fucking here aren’t I?
Don’t you feel bad about it?
Don’t you feel bad?
Yeah. I do. But I was gonna miss the start of the party!
Why didn’t you just call the referee a ‘cunt’ or something? That would have worked.
You’re a cunt! Christ, I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking clearly.
So what happens now?
What do you mean, what happens now?
Are the police involved like?
You assaulted someone!
Pffft. He’ll be fine. Right, get the drinks in. It’s your round, cunt.