25 Things About You – Jolene

Can you tell us twenty-five things about yourself that no one else knows?

  1. The doctor told me that I had a weak heart. He meant I should stay away from foods high in sodium and to avoid stimulants like caffeine or amphetamines. I took him to mean I should stay away from bad boys.
  2. I can’t take advice from people without piercings or tattoos. They can’t relate. My mom has her ears pierced. My doctor is as God made him.
  3. I like to wait for like a week before cleaning my ears. I like to see the wax on the bud.
  4. I miss the fact that sex doesn’t hurt anymore.
  5.  When I was a little kid I had an imaginary Chinese friend called ‘Tidy’. He lived in a bush at the back of my mom’s garden. My loneliness started when he went back to Shanghai to be a ventriloquist’s assistant.
  6. I have tattoos of butterflies coming from my pussy. They fly all across my body.
  7. Every time I listen to music on my headphones I imagine it being the soundtrack as I rob a bank and shoot an innocent man in the chest.
  8. I like to wave at CCTV cameras and imagine the security guard waving back at me.
  9. My bottle of wine with dinner was once a glass.
  10. I always dreamed of having sex in a grave, my school’s janitor closet and a big, empty aquarium shark tank.
  11. When I was six I stayed up all night to try and catch the tooth fairy in a net. I pulled out a wobbly tooth and used it as bait.
  12. I learned how to give head from watching gay porn.
  13. I learned how to fuck by doing it a lot.
  14. I imagine that cat and mice are best friends when we’re not watching.
  15. My father was the only man I ever hated.
  16. I got sad when I found out that the guy that works in my local coffee shop that I fall in love with every evening puts hearts on top of everyone’s coffee.
  17. I have sixteen tattoos, nine piercings, eleven pairs of stilettos, twenty-one scars on my arms, nine pairs of sunglasses, two blue eyes and one smile on my face.
  18. Someone asked me once why I dressed in the erratic way that I do: I told him I do it to attract the bees.
  19. I was raised vegetarian but as a kid I always wanted to bite into a piglet’s belly. I thought it looked delicious.
  20. Sometimes when people are talking to me I have to stop myself from kissing them, just to get a reaction.
  21. When I was young I always thought an umbrella should be called an ‘underbrella’. This was the first time I realized that some things just don’t make much sense.
  22. I always dreamed that a boy and I would each take a snowflake home each and keep them forever in the freezer.
  23. I started stealing little things from people’s houses about three years ago.  But I’ve never stolen anything anyone would notice.
  24. I think of my tits as being the armor for my heart and lungs.
  25. After six cries for help, I’m still here crying and nobody’s helping.
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4 thoughts on “25 Things About You – Jolene

  1. It is sort of creepy that 19 out of 25 completely embrace a gal, TK, that I know. Can’t wait to see what you may or may not do with her!

  2. katja says:

    My favorite is no. 19.
    You have crazy ideas!

  3. Silvia Next says:

    fiction but so sad…

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