I can’t

I can’t stay in Kathmandu anymore.

I can’t live without hot water.

I can’t eat the same brown slop that you can.

I can’t feel sad that we’ll probably never meet again.

I can’t see anything other than bricks and tourists at your temple.

I can’t read books that offer herbal advice.

I can’t keep smiling if I don’t feel like it.

I can’t make a dreamcatcher from sticks I collected at the side of the road.

I can’t believe in energy.

I can’t be bothered to email you, but write it down anyway.

I can’t ignore the fact that too many drugs have fucked your head up.

I can’t wear clothes that would look ridiculous at home.

I can’t say words in the native language to people who speak the same language as me.

I can’t remember your name man.

I can’t see Pepsi as a luxury.

I can’t stand the smell of the hash you bought from your “friend” on the street.

I can’t ‘wait a minute’ for gmail to load.

I can’t grow a beard of cotton and hair of rope.

I can’t help but feel that you don’t even believe yourself.

I can’t wipe my arse and eat with same pair of hands.

I can’t follow the spirals you speak in.

I can’t listen to your tabla drum without clenching my teeth.

I can’t beat you.

I can’t join you.

I can’t stand you.

I can’t understand you.

I can’t work out what “Om” is.

I can’t bring myself to get a Sanskrit tattoo.

I can’t fall in love with a place that doesn’t love me.

I can’t drink the water.

I can’t sleep.

I can’t give money to deformed people who touch my feet.

I can’t count the number of cigarettes I smoked today.

I can’t depend on anyone but myself.

I can’t write poetry, but this isn’t poetry, it’s one big complaint.

I can’t find a single endearing thing to say.

I can’t trust his eyes.

I can’t keep trawling my music collection hoping to find something new.

I can’t keep this up much longer.

I can’t stay awake anymore.

I can’t believe it’s only 4.39am.

I can’t see the Manchester United goals until I get to Seoul.

I can’t believe it’s almost over.

I can’t wait until tomorrow.

I can’t help but think it might already be here.

I can’t buy any souvenirs because I don’t really want to remember much of this.

I can’t stop wanting to punch you in the nose if you beep that FUCKING horn at me again.

I can’t drink because I’m on antibiotics.

I can’t write my way out of the trench Kathmandu threw me into.

I can’t pretend that this is me.

I can’t get my last rabies injection.

I can’t be bothered to rewrite this.

I can’t wait to see you again,

South Korea.

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17 thoughts on “I can’t

  1. Shawn says:

    Oh, Baby. Some funny and some sad notes. Some honesty, some anger, some rough bits and some clever bits. Some pain. Some antibiotics. Something for everyone. Reminds me of how I felt as I left Budapest a hundred years ago. The experience will be good for your writing … in time. You just need distance from it — literally and figuratively.

    A shout out to Seoul, who will wrap you up in good energy.

    I can’t believe you’re already going to Seoul
    I can’t wait to see your words again
    I can’t believe how well I use this lovely distraction
    to avoid my own writing
    I can’t possibly comment

  2. melissa rossi says:

    I can’t stop myself from writing “Brilliant, Ross!” Looks like you worked through your block.

  3. ebru says:

    just wanted to hug you, and felt all the despair and sadness in you… Come to turkey this summer, it will help u recover :))

  4. Thank you so a lot for this impressive and efficient assist. I won’t hesitate to suggest you in my site and your internet sites to any person who demands guidelines on this scenario.

  5. ryanne says:

    It sounds like hell….
    Time to run away.

  6. Katja says:

    I like your temper and passion.

  7. andrea says:

    that reminds me… i should get the hell outta here, too.

  8. Coming back, eh? You’ll be moaning about here too in no time, I’m sure.

    • I don’t think so this time to be honest. I have a very straight head and something pretty big to work towards. NO WOMEN helps a lot when you are trying to get work done. Been back for about 20 hours and it’s already going much better than I expected 🙂 Getting ready to take over the world man!

  9. It’s a strange feeling when you begin to miss Korea. I had the same thing when I was in Vietnam. For all its faults, Korea is a pretty straightforward and comfortable place to live. Be good to see you again, mate. Take care.

  10. i like your blog.a lot.you inspire me.(:

  11. btw, “OM” is the rumanian word for “HUMAN”

  12. […] I can’t stay in Kathmandu anymore. I can’t live without hot water. I can’t eat the same brown slop that you can. I can't feel sad that we'll probably never meet again. I can’t see anything other than bricks and tourists at your temple. I can’t read books that offer herbal advice. I can't keep smiling if I don't feel like it. I can’t make a dreamcatcher from sticks I collected at the side of the road. I can’t believe in energy. I can't be bothered … Read More […]

  13. […] I can’t stay in Kathmandu anymore. I can’t live without hot water. I can’t eat the same brown slop that you can. I can't feel sad that we'll probably never meet again. I can’t see anything other than bricks and tourists at your temple. I can’t read books that offer herbal advice. I can't keep smiling if I don't feel like it. I can’t make a dreamcatcher from sticks I collected at the side of the road. I can’t believe in energy. I can't be bothered … Read More […]

  14. “I can’t sleep.

    I can’t give money to deformed people who touch my feet”

    Some nice lines ross,
    its a great form to start writing poetry;
    each line starting the same (borrowed from choked?)

    tell me about Korea, tashy said you hit the ground running,
    on board with other magazines, good stuff mate keep me posted.

    im back to the mother on the 15th may; mental
    but crispy.

    toast.

  15. adeepergreen says:

    Brilliantly expressive!

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