No one remembers your birthday except Facebook.

I’m twenty-four today. Saying it feels strange.

No presents to open. No cards to read. No candles to blow out. No Facebook well wishers to thank. No one to see my birthday suit. No one to succumb to my pleas, no matter how ridiculous or unbefitting of my age as they may be. No one to tell me I’m still so young despite my limp attempts at nostalgia. No parents to hug for the seventh year running. No bother man. Just another day, innit? 

So if you, yes the wonderful you, would be so kind as to return again to the blog, I would consider that a birthday present and promise to put off cutting myself until next year at least.


Ross x

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48 thoughts on “No one remembers your birthday except Facebook.

  1. Zondrae says:

    Happy happy happy birthday from an Aussie who checks your blog nearly every day!

    May your next year be full of amazing things Ross. Your writing is wonderful and you should feel good about that.


  2. Tajna says:

    I would’ve made you a card gladly but you’ll have to be content with a:
    Happy Birthday Ross!
    Best wishes and hope you’ll continue being productive as you were until now. And postpone the cutting thing for more than a year, if I also may ask for something.

  3. ebru says:

    happy birthday Ross… have a wonderful one and please Just Keep on writing. :))

  4. Robin says:

    I know what you mean…i turned 21 this year and almost the same thing happened to me, but be sure you’ll have your present from me! Have a good one though wherever you are 😀

  5. Katja says:

    Happy Birthday, young adventurer! Enjoy the new year of your life!

    By the way, I would love it, if I could hear your voice, reading your own stories with the scottish slang. I know, that this can’t work on this blog, but it is only an idea or a wish.

    • Thanks Katja, nice to have you back again! 😉

      I’m going to start working on some more video projects again soon. Very soon hopefully. And they might involve me talking a bit….I sound very Scottish. Too Scottish. I have been trying to get rid of it for years. But it’s like AIDS. It will eventually be my downfall.


  6. Elvin says:

    Cant agree with your title more. I switched my birthday on facebook to a week late and laughed myself silly when greetings started pouring in. Anyway, happy bithday! Cheers!

  7. Stephanie says:

    Happy Birthday! I remember 24. Enjoy your youth, but 40 is so much better!

  8. Mila says:

    Happy Birthday 😉 I’m new to your blog but from what I can tell, you’re living a life that is much more fulfilling that a few, insincere, obligatory facebook birthday wishes or anything of the kind. You’re living a LIFE, not waiting around for a few dozen people that don’t really care for you to tell you happy birthday just cuz facebook wont fucking stop reminding them 😉 (of course the irony is, now your waiting around on your blog for them…..;) Go out and find the hidden beauty in the world around you, the cosmic dance of life and all its secrets in even the smallest thing. Or find an interesting looking person and stalk them all day. And let whatever you find be your ‘present’ 😉

    (most people aren’t into a little friendly stalking, i get that, only half joking about that part)

  9. Shawn says:

    We’re right there with you, kiddo. Happy birthday, and you have permission to do all the navel gazing you want no matter how young you are. Nostalgia is nostalgia. You’re never too young to long for something just out of reach.

    Hope you did something lovely for yourself.

    • Haha, nice man! Thanks a lot. I am entitled to the odd grumble about how kids have no respect these days and how far back Pokemon cards seem.

      On my birthday, I got wasted, flirted with someone I shouldn’t have and danced around to Snoop Dogg. Fantastic stuff.

      Get yourself back here soon x

  10. theunexpecteduniverse says:

    haha, wow, so you specifically didn’t approve my comment. Sorry about that. Guess I can be a little to strange for the general normal public. My apologies.


  11. Lisa* says:

    Happy Birthday Ross!

    If you weren’t all the way across the world, I would bake and send you a cupcake. It would have sprinkles on it.
    Birthdays are difficult, i’m sure people wouldn’t remember mine either if it wasn’t for facebook. I stopped careing. My birthdays end up being just a day as well. I always told myself that I wish I could be 21 forever. I’m almost 23 😦
    I’m pretty strange, I always remember peoples names and birthdays. So if you are still writing in your blog this time next year, don’t be surprised to see a birthday message from me. 🙂
    Anyway, please don’t cut yourself, ever. You are a lovely and talented person with too much to offer this world.

    Have a wonderful and exciting 24th year!

    • Thanks for the nice message darling!

      I don’t know, I’m sort of enjoying getting older little by little because it sort of continues to get better year after year. As long as you can look back and be happy with how you spent your years then just keep doing what you’re doing until you’re dead.

      I would never dream of cutting myself! I have a habit of exaggerating how sardonic and dark I actually am because I want to be cynical and funny like those other guys who write blogs about things being rubbish and stuff. I’m just an emo at heart.

      Thanks again! x

  12. theunexpecteduniverse says:

    Hehe, one outta two ain’t bad I guess, thanks. 😉

  13. Subtlety. says:

    Hey hey hey,

    The one that is twenty-four-year-old already!
    Pretty nice number I must admit!
    And even nicer occasion to wish something that will make You smile at least for a while, I guess.

    That is why I wish You, the most cosiest moments, lots of subtlety, magic and for sure, never-ending creativity that will make You amaze and surprise people with Your ingenious works that You leave here.

    Cosy Birthday, Ross! Keep smiling!


  14. Simona says:

    That’s exactly what happened to me two days ago. It’s pretty worth to register on FB just for getting lots of bday greeting from people who barely know you.
    Anyway, in this blog there is people who don’t know you at all, but I guess we all sent you honest wishes because of your posts…. Happy birthday ^^

    • It’s kind of the same thing cause most of the people come here via my youtube video about Facebook, find out it’s my birthday and say happy birthday. So even though I don’t have a Facebook account Facebok is still reminding people it’s my birthday. A small number of people who I’ve never met know it’s my birthday, but my friends and not so close relatives don’t know.

      Weird man. Facebook. A wonderfully weird thing

  15. Michael says:

    Happy birthday have a wonderful day and may good things happen to you

  16. David says:

    Happy birthday from Mexico!

    Love your stuff, be well.

  17. Sofia Leo says:

    Happy Birthday!

  18. umatia says:

    Like always. attention beast. every
    One following your work would actually buy you a real present if they’d know how to stock you more.
    Very lite.
    Enjoy what you have now.

    Your unhidden weirdness attracts.
    One more thing. if yo
    U’re so good in this life, imagine what comes in the next one.

    happy birthday, you lovable scottish freak!!
    don’t ever delete anything. i needed that poem.


  19. Heather says:

    I don’t have enough marg to make you a cake. I’m really sorry.

  20. artdeptheather says:

    Don’t ever delete anything. I needed that porn.

    • x hamster dot com. That should sort it. But that poem was sadly some kind of odd animal skat pornograph and it needed to be deleted.

      I assume that’s what you’re talking about, but I can’t be certain.


  21. Nela says:

    Hey happy birthday from Chile!
    My gift is a big smile like this 😀

  22. Marta says:

    Happy Birthday…from Portugal! 🙂

  23. José says:

    Happy Birthday from Portugal! 🙂

    Keep living life!

    • Thank you so very much to everyone for the birthday wishes! I spent them all on Korean food, expensive Nepali rum and French cigarettes! A multi-cultural evening, I think you’ll agree.

      Power to the people x

  24. Dee says:

    Happy Belated Birthday Fellow Aries!!

    I have no present for you but in all fairness I never get presents either. 😀 So I’ll just leave these words for you, maybe they will mean as much to you as they have for me.

    “Be good and you will be lonesome.” M.Twain

    Have an awesomely lonesome day mate! 😛

  25. Amanda says:

    Happy Belated Birthday From Canada!!
    You know you’re awesome if your birthday is over and people still are saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
    i hope it was a good day for you!
    I’ll keep on reading every post.
    …..I hope that doesn’t sound creepy……

  26. Maria says:

    Hello, Ross! I managed to find your blog after I had forgotten the address by deleting history. I’m glad I found it since the last time I didn’t read as much as i would have wanted and I had your blog in my mind for some time. This time I’ll make sure to add it to my bookmarks.
    Even thou it’s a bit late – happy birthday from Estonia (that must be the first one, right?) 🙂

  27. Jude says:

    How quickly that Facebook turns us into mindless sheeple, that must turn to the amount of wall posts on their birthday to reaffirm their existence. Have been there 100%, and have finally taken the plunge and pulled its life support, today!!! (Hopefully for good.) So thanks for that… here’s to hoping that come my next birthday I won’t be anxiously checking if my wall has been properly filled up the next day!

    Facebook well-wishers or not, you have a buttload of support anyway 🙂 Your blogs are a real treat to read, you write with a humorous cynicism that I wish more people had. It’s honest, and it’s full of life — many of my friends have recently gone abroad to university and reading your old entries sometimes makes me feel like I’m talking to a good friend. The “Werther’s original in a bird’s nest” line especially had me rolling, haha.

    That was a huge build up to get to this point but happy (belated) birthday! I hope this is your best birthday WEEK yet!! Who knows, maybe you’ll become the next viral sensation to put out a bestselling book… any publishing plans in the future?

    Good luck out there. Sometimes to know that you’re keeping one foot in front of the other is good enough. Here’s to another year that’s even better than the last!

    • Good luck with your abstinence from Spacebook! Thank you very much for the encouraging words. I’m hopefully going to try to get something ready to send to a publisher by the end of the year. But that is a very scary prospect….

      But my birthday was beezer! Thanks for the well-wishes! x

  28. cat says:

    Keep writing, Ross. You remind me of what it’s like to be young. Glad you had a beautiful birthday. Keep searching this year.

  29. Mafalda says:

    Happy Birthday from Portugal, Ross!! ❤

  30. Carina Cetinel says:

    I’m wishing you a late Happy Birthday and all the best!
    I know you already know this, but you are not missing anything with Facebook happy birthday wishes… 99% of them are fake. About the rest… is never to late.

    — greetings from a reader of your blog, from Romania.

  31. Rynna Saryonnah says:

    Hi there! I know I’m super late, but happy belated birthday!
    No one remembers my birthday either. Actually i think my parents don’t even remember my age for that matter…but anyway…

    Just wanted to let you know I saw your facebook video on my brother’s girlfriend’s blog and thought you really do have a point! Stumbled upon soon after but realised it wasn’t being updated…so glad i found this space…just read the black jumpsuit story too…

    anyways, keep in touch…i’ll definitely be back here!

  32. Glo says:

    Happy B-Lated Birthday, hun!

    Is this the same Ross Gardiner who made that amazing “Get off facebook” video?
    If so, then an extra *kiss blow* ❤

    Haha, much love!

  33. Orsi says:

    Happy Birthday Ross!
    I’m reading your blog for the first time, so I don’t know much about you. I wonder, why you left, why you moved to South Korea?
    Sometimes I get rid of this World, I wish I could travel, I wish I could start it all over, I wish I could find real people, and I wish I could find myself again.
    Well Ross, you seem to be a “real man”… a treasure today…
    Have a nice day!!!:D

    • Hi, thanks for reading my wee stories! I had to leave home because there was no work and I wasn’t happy there. I left Scotland when I was 21 and moved t Korea. Lot’s of job opportunities for English speakers here.

      I know what you mean though, sometimes I just can’t do it. I can’t stand being me, and it’s for no reason. You need to remember that the world is changing so much and as the people get worse, it’s our responsibility to get better, and care about one another. I dunno if that made sense, but we need to stop the hip-hop and dance to folk. x

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